Mind if I vent?

This past Saturday I went to a wonderfully inspiring women's retreat. The speaker was Nancy Campbell, founder of the Above Rubies ministry.

While I was there I purchased a book that a friend from church told me she has read and loves. The book is entitled "Created to be his Help Meet". The author is Debi Pearl.

Now, no wife has ever aspired to wifely greatness more than me but this book is just ridiculous, un-Biblical and downright dangerous!

The premise is that women have NO OTHER PURPOSE than to be the helpers (servants) to their husbands NO MATTER WHAT and furthermore that women have no access to GOD other than through their husbands.

Basically, the woman is held at fault for the affairs and addictions (SINS) of her husband because of her lack of attention (not enough s*x) and is expected to stay with him no matter what. She does say abused women can involve the police in special circumstances but are expected to faithfully visit their husbands in jail and to bring the children along so that the husband's heart may be turned toward God.

She actually makes a distinction between hits from a husband that leave discernible marks after two hours and those that don't! This is nothing short of nuts!

Her language is crude and gave me a big dose of the "icks". Her references to her and her husband's s*xual escapades were like walking in on your parents. I don't CARE how often, how seductive her poses or anything else about the s*x life of Debi and Michael Pearl. Yuck, people!!!

I believe firmly in being attentive to my husband, serving him and meeting his needs. I also believe in deferring to his wisdom as the ultimate decision maker for our family (doesn't mean I don't have my say). I strive to be joyful and content (which Debi Pearl advocates) and to greet my man with a sweet smile when he comes through the door.

Yet, I DO have access to God on my own, I WAS created in the image of God and NOT Adam, I AM entitled to pursue my own personal interests (and I'd like to think my husband has a healthy dose of respect for me because of this). AND men ARE to exercise self-control and discipline and be held accountable for personal choices that result in sin.

There are grains of truth in this book but it is fundamentally flawed because it is not grounded in correct theology. My heart is heavy for the women who have or will read it and buy into this craziness. Sweet and sexy most definitely have their place BUT you can't be enough of either to fix an abusive marriage! It takes GOD and the participants' desire for change!

This book has a bit of noteriety in Christian homeschooling, homebirthing, natural mothering circles. If any of you have read it I would love to hear your take on it.

Whew! It feels good to get that off my heart!

P.S. A couple of my favorite books regarding the role of a wife are "The proper care and feeding of husbands" by Dr. Laura and "Love must be tough" by Dr. Dobson.


  1. Wow - after reading your "venting" I realized that I was holding my breath.... I stand in agreement with you and will not recommend this book to anyone. I felt your passion coming through the screen of my computer. Thank you for sharing.
    By the way - I enjoyed your trip - or at least the picture view of it.
    Joy Roberts Easton

  2. Trixi,

    A few years back I picked up one of the Pearl's books on child rearing. I read a few chapters and I could not complete it. I didn't agree with their methods. Now, I am not against giving a naughty child a spank , but there methods were beyond that. I just couldn't read it.
    I have heard enough about this book, "Created to be his helpmeet" to know that I would not agree with it.
    We were created in the image of God, not man. Yes, Eve was created to be a helpmate, but Ephesians 6 gives a great deal of counsel for biblical marriage: The man is to love his wife as his own flesh, more than himself, and the wife is to respect her husband. There is no biblical mandate for men abusing their wives or for wives to roll over and play dead. As wives we are to respect our husbands but that doesn't mean we have to agree with them or not be able to voice our concern or thoughts. I believe the Pearl's books are supporting abuse in child rearing and marriage. I just don't belive their counsel is Biblical. Sadly, there are women in the body of Christ who subscribe to their teachings and I will tell you that it is very sad. I know a family who subscribes to these teachings. It's heartbreaking. The children are discouraged, because of the punitive parenting. THe bible warns us to not provoke our children to anger, lest they become discouraged. The wife is unhappy and basically dominated by the husband. It's awful and tragic. This is not the model our Lord designed for marriage and family.
    God's word is the Bible, not the Pearl's teachings. We need to be careful about the false teaching out there in the world today.
    I for one will stick the biblical model of marriage and not heed the unhealthy teachings like these.
    Just my .02,

  3. Oops! I meant to say, "tina" not trixi!! Sorry about that! I just finished posting at my friend trixi's blog! :) Good grief, sorry about that tina.:)


  4. Tina,
    If you want to read a great book about being a godly wife, I really did enjoy Elizabeth George's book: A wife after God's own heart. It was excellent!
    I love all of Elizabeth's books, even her books for kids.


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